Common Marriage Problems and Solution

Common Marriage Problems and Solutions

Sources of Marriage Problems

By

Elizabeth Scott MS

Most Relationships offer wonderful benefits for wellbeing, life satisfaction, and stress management, but none are without their challenges. These issues can put a strain on a couple, but working through them can either strengthen their bond or push them apart, depending on how they handle the challenges they face. Working through marriage problems in a healthy way can be very difficult, especially because stress in a marriage can come from many different sources.

The following are some of the most common sources of marital stress and marriage problems.

• Money Problems

The stress of fighting over money constitutes one of the most oft-cited marriage problems that couples face. Generally speaking, when couples engage in conflicts about money, their dispute is really symbolic of something different—power struggles, different values and needs, or other issues that surround money. However, in tough economic times, financial stress can actually cause more general stress, more conflict over things unrelated to money, and well as money-centered arguments as well. (For example, when one partner is extremely stressed about money, they may be less patient and more stressed in general; they may then pick fights with the other partner about unrelated things without even realizing it!)

• Issues with Children

The advent of children brings another potential source of marriage problems

Children are wonderful, and can bring wonderful an children can bring additional stress into marriage meaningful gifts into our lives. However, having,because the caretaking of children requires more responsibility as well as a change in roles, provides more fodder for disagreement and strain, and reduces the amount of time available to bond as a couple. This combination can test even the strongest of bonds.

• Daily Stress

Daily stressors don’t need to equal marriage problems, but they can exacerbate problems that already exist. When one partner has had a stressful day, they may be more likely to be impatient when they get home, they may handle conflict less expertly, and may have less emotional energy to devote to nurturing their partner and their relationship. When both partners have had a difficult day, this of course is only exacerbated. As with financial stress, general daily stress can test patience and optimism, leaving couples with less to give to one another emotionally.

• Busy Schedules

Marriage problems can result from overly busy schedules for a few reasons. First, couples who are very busy may find themselves generally stressed as well, especially if they’re not taking care of themselves with quality sleep and good nutrition. Additionally, they may find themselves less connected because they have less time to spend together and more separateness in their lives. Finally, if they don’t work together as a team (even if their responsibilities are completely separate if they don’t coordinate to cover all responsibilities well), they may find themselves fighting over who’s taking care of which household and social responsibilities.

Again, while busy schedules don’t automatically lead to marriage problems, they don present a challenge that needs to be worked through.

• Poor Communication

Perhaps the biggest predictor of marriage problems is poor communication or negative communication that belies damaging attitudes and dynamics within the relationship. Negative communication is so damaging, in fact, that researcher John Gottman and his team have been able to predict with a very high degree of certainty which newlywed couples would later divorce, based on watching their communication dynamics for a few minutes!

Healthy communication is key; unhealthy communication can lead to major marriage problems.

• Bad Habits

Sometimes couples experience marriage problems that could be solved if the two could notice their habits and change them. People don't always make a conscious decision to argue over petty things, nag and be critical, or leave messes for the other to clean, for example. They get busy or distracted, stress builds, and they go on autopilot. Then they find themselves following the same patterns they hadn't realized they were choosing in the first place. People just get into negative patterns of relating, fall into lazy personal habits, or get into a rut that they perpetuate out of habit.Are You In A Rut? See These Happy Marriage Tips

Fortunately, these marriage problems can be worked on. Even if only one partner is consciously trying to change, any change can bring a shift in the dynamic of the relationship, which can bring positive results. Read more on maintaining a happy marriage.

How to Spot/ Fix them before it's too late!

Though marriage is often thought to be the “happily ever after” phase of a relation, dont be fooled into believing that married couples dont face their fair share of challenges. While some of these challenges may easily be resolved, other issues may be too tough to tackle and could even be the means to an end.

Since the future of most marriages depends largely on how couples deal with issues as they arise, it’s helpful to have a heads up on the most common issues that come with marriageterritory.

Take a peek at these 12 common issues married couples face and how you can overcome them before it's too late:

1. Overstepping Boundaries

Once couples are married, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to try and change their partner. Whether it’s their fashion sense or their fundamental beliefs, trying to change your spouse is a personal invasion, and when it happens, the victimized spouse will feel disrespected, hurt, or even angry. Often times overstepping someone’s personal boundaries is done intentionally, with a mission in mind. This type of behavior stomps on the very idea of mutual respect, and the end result will likely be retaliation or withdrawal from the attacked spouse. In turn, it makes it hard for spouses to communicate, love, and be open with one another. ’s also possible to unintentionally overstep personal boundaries, especially if this happens while genuinely trying to help your spouse. To avoid invasion, know where to draw the line when it comes to pushing for change.

2. Lacking Complete Communication

Though the phases “talking” and “communicating” are often used interchangeably, it’s important to understand that the two differ greatly from one another. Talking is about giving information without the need of a response, and it leaves plenty of room for complaining and criticism. Communication, however, is a verbal and nonverbal exchange of information that requires a response. Because it takes more than one person to communicate, it’s focused on a connection between people where it’s safe to openly share ideas and information free of judgment.

When spouses fail to practice proper communication, it’s easy for them to fall into a habitual way of ineffectively speaking to one another. What’s worse is that if poor communication skills are not dealt with, it’s possible for more serious problems to arise. Couples should learn how to communicate with one another to keep their love life on track and also prevent these unnecessary issues.

3. Declining Occurrences of Sexual Intimacy

While there are many reasons why couples lose interest in sexual intimacy or struggle with physical affection, it’s important for spouses to find ways to keep their sex life fresh and fulfilling. Sex may seem like a small piece of the marriage puzzle, but it’s actually rare to have a healthy relationship without it.

Unfortunately, there’s a vicious cycle when it comes to sex: It’s hard to want to have it when you feel emotionally detached, but it’s hard to feel emotionally attached without physical intimacy. To get past a dry spell couples need to identify problem areas in their marriage and work through them to become physically comfortable with each other.

4. Wandering Focuses

A common issue couples face is a shift in focus after marriage. When either spouse redirects their attention from the relationship to other interests - be it career, children, friends, or other social activities or hobbies - it’s common for their partner to feel the brunt of the situation, and for the relationship to suffer from a loss of attention. In these types of situations spouses may even begin to feel more like roommates than lovers, which is why it’s so important to find a balance between personal interests and being an attentive partner. It’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) for spouses to have their own separate interests and goals, so long as they manage their schedules to fit in quality time with one another.

A common mistake married people make when this happens it to overreact, because in doing so they’re more or less telling their spouse they cannot have a life without them. Instead, understand that your partner has won you and is now pursuing other challenges in life. Find a happy medium for your relationship to grow and support one another’s ambitions.

5. Emotional Infidelity

As unfortunate as it may be, once couples get married it’s not uncommon for them to become emotionally disconnected from one another. When this happens, it’s likely that at least one spouse’s needs will become unmet, and so they may start looking elsewhere to feel fulfilled. This is where emotional infidelity has the opportunity to slip into the marriage.

Often times, spouses agree that emotional infidelity is worse than physically cheating because it’s about more than just sex; it’s about connecting with another person on an intimate level. In order to prevent infidelity, couples must be clear on what they both consider cheating to be. Initially partners may not have the same feelings towards what does and doesn’t count as cheating, but getting on the same page will lessen the chances of them allowing it to happen. It’s also important that spouses remain supportive of one another’s emotional needs, because when these are met, they won’t have as much interested in looking elsewhere.

6. Fighting About Money

When couples bond, it’s common for their bank accounts to follow suit. While this may not always be the case, even married couples that decide to keep their finances separate still face issues when it comes to money.

Discussing finances with your spouse can be stressful and tense, especially if the couple has different spending habits or ways of managing money. In these types of edgy situations, it’s common for the conversation to become less about money and more about personal values and habits. For example, when one spouse is stressed about money they may be less patient and more irritated in general. They may even pick fights with their partner about unrelated things without realizing it.

To avoid this issue, be sure that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to dollars and cents, make a financial plan together and skip any unnecessary disagreements by staying focused on the situation at hand.

7. Waning Appreciation

When appreciation between married couples is low, conflict tends to rise. Since both men and women crave positive recognition, when spouses stop acknowledging one another’s efforts or fail to express gratitude for loving gestures, it’s likely their partner will stop doing those once appreciated actions. When this happens couples tend to become bitter or agitated with one another.

When small, yet loving gestures become expected they lose their magic and become a chore rather than a choice. Whether you’ve been with your spouse for 12 months or 12 years, it’s important to keep appreciating one another for the things you both do.

8. Technology Interference

In a world that’s largely run by technology, it can be tough not to get caught up with electronic gadgets. This is why more and more couples are reporting that their spouse’s obsession with technology is interfering with their marriages. Allow me to explain.

Let’s say for example a wife becomes so wrapped up with her smartphone that she’s texting her pals at the dinner table instead of engaging in conversation with her husband. Or, perhaps a husband is so fixed on his tablet that all he wants to do after dinner is play games on it and browse Facebook. These situations can replace healthy communication and even intimacy. It may sound bizarre, but they’re real life issues. Everyday you see people glued to their phones and computers, so if technology is taking over your marriage, then it’s time to snap back to reality.

9. Selfishness

If one spouse acts selfishly and consistently places their own needs and desires ahead of their spouse’s, then it’ll only be a matter of time until the neglected spouse feels unworthy and unloved. When couples get married they’re promising to love one another for better or worse, and part of that promise means not acting selfishly. While this may sounds easy enough, the green-eyed monster comes in many sneaky shapes and forms. At its worse, selfishness is controlling, manipulative, jealous, possessive and abusive. In milder forms, it can be seen in a lack of consideration and respect. In order to prevent issues of selfishness in marriage, spouses must learn how to act with empathy and create a balance between both their own and their spouses needs.

10. Lacking trust

Trust is the very basis of love, and without it a healthy marriage cannot exist. When a spouse cheats, lies, or breaks a promise, it can really hurt the relationship. Restoring trust in a marriage where someone has been betrayed is no easy task, and both spouses must be committed to fixing the relationship in order to have any success on moving past the issue. If the issues are not dealt with, the betrayed spouse will continue to feel hurt, anger, and suspicious.

11. Losing Control of Anger

While it’s normal for married couples to get angry with each other from time to time, it’s important that both spouses act appropriately when these types of situations arise. Instead of reacting explosively with outburst or fits of rage, couples need to address the issue at hand (stay on topic), keep calm, and consider one another’s feelings. It’s also important that couples listen, openly express their opinions, and avoid defensive behaviors.12. Changing Future Ambitions

Most times when couples decide to get married they’re on the same path and have discussed their wants for the future. That said, a common issue between spouses is for one or both partners to change their minds and come up with new plans or ambitions as time passes. Take for example a couple who has agreed to get married, buy a house and start their family. If after the honeymoon either partner decides that they would rather travel for a year, go back to school, or aren’t ready for kids, then the couple could have some major issues on their hands. While there’s no reason to harass your spouse or worry that they will change their mind down the road, it’s important to keep communication lines open to avoid these kind of shocking surprises.